Chillin’ with Adam with Emma McIntosh & Special Guest: Jim Morrison
“There was never a moment in my musical career where I felt content, where I felt satisfied, where I felt fulfilled with what I did. There was not one moment that I can recall that I actually felt at peace with everything that was going on with me. So, no, I never felt the fulfillment or the joy, the attention of the fame, of being able to stand in front of a crowd and portray my music because the thing was so many people had their own opinion about me and they wanted me to do what every other artist did. You come on stage and you sing your little hits, the ones that are popular, and that’s the only ones they want to hear. For me, I did not want to do that. I used every opportunity I ever had to either improvise right there and then what was in my heart, what was in my mind, or to really bring forth my poetry and people didn’t always appreciate that. They paid money and they wanted to hear these songs. I didn’t give a shit what they thought, so no, I know this is going to be hard for people who really adore me, and you know I love you too. I adore you, but in my human existence, I really had a hard time connecting to the audience. Connecting to the people who came forth. I connect to them now 100% better and I communicate to them and I support them. Whenever somebody is thinking of me, I will be right there with you, but in my human life I was so restricted, more restrictive toward myself. I was quite damaged by the time that I died. It’s really unfortunate because I didn’t really think I was damaged that much because you lose your sense of judgment. You tell yourself, “Hey, you’re okay,” even though you’re not, so you keep taking the drugs. You keep drinking, the whole time I said, “I’m fine. I’m fine. It’s going to be great.” But I wasn’t fine. I wasn’t okay.
Did I commit suicide? No, I did not. Am I still alive? No, I am not. Let’s get that clear, people.
When I asked what did happened if he didn’t commit suicide, Jim replied, “My body gave out. My body was done. It was completely destroyed. I destroyed my own body. I didn’t want to live anymore; however, I never took my life. I think Adam and I can agree on that one too, we willed death into our lives. We willed it. My way of doing that was destroying my vehicle, destroying my body until it was no longer functional. That is what happened. For a long time, and a lot of people might not know this, but for a long time while I was in Paris, I was already coughing up blood. It became a daily thing. I was too stubborn to go to a doctor. I didn’t want anything to do with hospitals or doctors. In my mind, I was fine. Everything’s fine. That’s the illusion that we get with the drugs and the alcohol. You don’t feel it anymore. You feel numb to the pain.
I had lots of performances where I would just pass out or I would do things that I wouldn’t even remember later on. A lot of times I couldn’t even sing anymore. I would forget my lines and then I would sing whatever came into my head. You know, I was a mess. I know people adored me and they put me on this pedestal, but, people, I was a mess. I was a wreck, you know. Love yourself and don’t do what I do. Don’t go into self-destruction mode because you don’t feel like you belong here. I’m here to tell you that you chose this body for a reason, so you do belong here. There is a purpose to your being. I didn’t see it. I didn’t feel it. If there’s one thing I hope people will learn from my life is that you need to be grounded in your existence in order to in order to fulfill your journey in this life, on this planet with grace and dignity and with passion and love. So much beauty surrounded me and I just couldn’t see it. I wanted to get out of here as fast as I could for a very long time. I always tell people this, was my life a mistake? No, it wasn’t. I learned a lot from this. Did I accomplish my goals? No, I didn’t, so I am doing this again in another journey on this earth.
Jim went on to explain that he’ll be reincarnated in the next 25 years as a spiritual guru/coach.
“So, I’ll be having a journey of teaching, a journey of awakening others. I’m also hoping to experience the joy of having a family, of being a normal family man and enjoying those beauties as well and enjoying the beauty of love and support of the people around me. So, my next journey will be all about receiving love and also giving love. It will be a mutual exchange. A balanced exchange of the spiritual and the earth-bound experience. To everyone out there, I want people to understand there’s going to be people who will be me as a God. There’s going to be people who will see me as just a drunk, screwedup little thang. The good/bad differentiation is a part of the human experience and not of the spiritual experience. I was longing for the true, divine, everything perfect, everything loving experience, but when we are sent down, when we choose to become a human, it is all about the black and the white. It is all about the good and the bad. There is no good and there is no bad, but in the human experience, it’s all about finding your way through that ‘good and bad,’ and I’m here to tell you that you can unify all experiences into an experience of love. So, the good and the bad can be experienced as love because love always integrates the good and the bad together. So start observing that which seems bad, but start observing it with loving eyes, so it can lose its badness. It can lose its bad qualities.
When you experience something you feel is bad or you feel is negative, that you feel is destructive, try to see the beauty in that destruction because sometimes it destroys us so we can rebuild ourselves. So, we can reinvent ourselves. There is always some good in the bad and there is always some bad in the good. We cannot be a human being without having both. There are no saints in the human condition. I mostly focused on the bad and I’m here to tell you, don’t do what I do, but please see the good and the beauty in the bad things as well because the universe does not create things that shouldn’t be created.
Why does the universe also create the bad? So we can find balance and understanding in the contrast that it offers. Don’t just focus and the bad and don’t just focus on the good, but find a perfect balance between the bad person inside of you, that naughty, naughty person that we all have somewhere in there and the good person in you who wants to do things for love and compassion. Life is about finding yourself. It’s about the individual experience, but it’s also about sharing that experience with the people around you, with the world around you and understanding that your impact on the world is far greater than you believe it really is.
We are all very valuable and we are all worthy, and no matter how “bad” I experienced my journey, just look at what it did to the world. I opened up the reality that you can do whatever you want. You can, and yes, society might not agree with you, and yes, society might want to punish you for the things you’ve done, but it is still your life. They are still your choices. So, find gratitude in the fact that you have free will. A lot of people don’t think that they do. They feel controlled by their environment, by their parents, by their friends, by society, but you have free will. You don’t have to listen to anyone, unless you want to. So, don’t blame anything that happens to you on the people around you, but blame it on yourself because you’re the one allowing it to happen. You are the one not brave enough to make other decisions. I’m not saying my life was fabulous and great, but I did make my own decisions. That’s one thing I am proud of. I really wanted to do my way and I wanted to follow my direction. It didn’t lead me to a great place, but that was my choice. That was my responsibility.
There is one thing that I regret. I put my band members through hell. I put them through hell with me. I still don’t understand how they dealt with me for so long. I don’t understand, but they were incredibly brave to continue to try and go on a stage with me. After everything they went through with me. They went until they had nothing left to give. Until they were completely emptied out and in that aspect, I admired them for their courage and for their persistence and for really thinking and hoping that one day, it will be better. Unfortunately, it never did get better. But I just want to say to my band members, that I am with them at all times, that I do love them very much. I just want to give them the praise. They were The Doors. Not me. They were the ones keeping everything together. I salute them. Looking back, when I got my life’s review, I was like, “Oh my God! Those people! They loved me in a really kind of love/hate relationship. I just wanted to praise them. They were the real Doors. They were the real power behind everything. Yes, I wrote the songs or most of them, but they were the band. Not me. I was perfect mess. The human part of me was a complete mess, but the spiritual part of me, the true me, was perfect. I was a beautiful mess.” – Jim Morrison
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