Chillin’ with Adam with Emma McIntosh and Special Guests: Whitney Houston & Bobbi Kristina Brown
Emma often describes Adam as a “goofball.” Adam says Whitney is a big goofball herself.
According to Adam, “She loves humor and acting all silly and imitating movies and all that stuff. She loves doing the things that I love doing so it’s really great to be around her. We have a pretty similar energy, believe it or not.”
Whitney had the following to say about Adam:
“Adam is such a wonderful young man. He’s very close to my heart because I feel on an energetic level, we suffered similar feelings and emotions about ourselves, about our gifts, about why we were here.
I do feel like I was here to sing about love to sing about Jesus, to sing about God, to bring people closer together. I felt that was my purpose, and I did bring people closer together, just in a different way. That’s what it’s all about.
I think Adam is very similar in that he wanted to use music and words and songs to really unite people and to really spread the word of love and spread the word of compassion. He wanted to turn this world into a better place and so did I.
Let’s just say, both our lives, unfortunately, the fear and the anxiety and the self-doubt took over a little bit and suppressed us in our own dreams. But we never stopped loving. We never grew bitter, and we still and always will believe that humanity can come together again.
We still believe that it is our journey now to contribute to that and to really bring a more enlightened state of mind and a connection to God again because we all lost the connection with God and you can call is “Source” or whatever you want to call it. I call it God. If we would all re-connect to Source, to God that has created us, then we would really see how divine we really are and start living in His example of unconditional love and compassion. So, I think if we all just find the God-Source in our hearts, then we will see a better and unified human race in the future.”
Several weeks ago, Whitney came through during our visit with Hugh Hefner to ask for her own episode of Chillin’ with Adam. She said her request for a forum was not so much for her, but for her family and for all the people who love her and supported her through everything she went through.
“It’s not so much for me, but it was more for my family and it was more for all the people who love me and supported me through everything that I went through. I really wanted to just bring some clarity, but to also hopefully bring some guidance on what to do with people who are in emotional distress who don’t know how to get out of it themselves.”
Whitney thanked me for allowing her to use Adam to bring forth her message and said that Krissy is with her and they are watching over the rest of the family. She wants everyone to know that she knows how much you love her and how much you tried to help her.
“I just want everyone to know that I’m taking full responsibility for what happened to me and I’m taking full responsibility for the outcome that it did have on my daughter as well. That is something I wanted to discuss because when everyone talked about me and how my drug addictions and relationship with Bobby ruined my life and the life of my daughter, but the only person who did that was me. So many people, they blamed Bobby for the drug abuse and the partying and not being stable and the effects it had on my voice. It feels to me like everyone is blaming someone. There’s always blame, especially in the human condition. If something happens to someone we love or adore, we seek to look for someone to blame, but again, this was my doing. These were my choices that I made.
I just wanted to explain a little bit more about my relationship; about the drugs and all that. What a lot of people don’t understand or maybe don’t even know, is that the drug use, or drug abuse really had already started before I even met Bobby. Drugs, to me, were introduced by my brother when I was really a young, young girl. Now, this was a time where drugs were popular and the bad side effects weren’t fully known yet. We didn’t have a high body count of overdoses and things like that. When I started, I was pretty young, about eighteen when I started using drugs. I just wanted to clear this up because a lot of people blame that on Bobby. Bobby was not on drugs. Bobby was an alcoholic. Okay? Just to clear that up. He did not bring the drugs to me. That was already a part of my life.
I think what many people don’t always understand is that some romantic relationships don’t always change the people in that relationship, but some relationships really personify our internal struggles better than other aspects of our lives. From a very young age, I struggled with a very low self-esteem and I used to use humor to hide behind it. It’s a little bit like Adam does. We’re very similar, you’ll see. So, I always used humor to hide behind it. It was just my mask. The real deal was I didn’t like the way I looked. I hated my hair. I was always comparing myself to others and I was terrified of not being perfect. I was afraid, especially when the fame kicked in. I was afraid that I didn’t match the perfect image that people and fans wanted me to be; that the tabloids said that I really was. Because I didn’t feel that way. I didn’t feel beautiful. I didn’t feel talented. I had extreme low self-esteem.
I was supposed to be the good daughter and the sexy and confident Superstar and the example of a good-hearted and God-loving person. The underlying issue was my inability to reconcile my self-image with the one that people painted for me. I think many people, especially more women than men, feel unworthy in some way. So many of us, we start settling. We start settling for what we think we deserve and that could include a relationship. That really can include a relationship. I saw myself as imperfect. I was broken. I was an addict and that my husband was struggling with very similar issues normalized some of my fears and made me free to behave on the outside the way that I really felt on the inside.
The more my marriage and my husband and me were being criticized, the more I gave up trying to be perfect and the more I let the depressed anxious person outside that really reflected how I felt on the inside. You can see that very clearly when Bobby’s idea, and let’s just call it a really stupid idea, where he decided to make a reality show of our lives.
When people remember that reality show or when they look at it, you can really see the trouble that I was in and that he was in and what we were going through. In so many ways, me and Bobby were so much alike. There was so many fears inside and low self-esteem. For him that really projected itself into having extreme jealousy of my fame, of my fans, of the money that we made. For me, my insecurities really resulted in some way or form in surrendering in a relationship where I didn’t have to have all the burden anymore. I sort of put all my responsibilities on him so I could just back off because I didn’t feel strong enough to handle the responsibility of keeping up appearances; of arranging the business. Because it is a business and there’s a lot of business side to things that you need to do. Continuing to be perfect for everyone, in some way or form, became too heavy for me.
On top of feeling awful about yourself, not feeling like you’re worthy of what you’re getting. If you put the pressure and the demand on top of that of your manager and your record label and the fans and the tabloids and the news and there’s so much that just came on top of it that I wanted in some way or form, to quit. I wanted to relieve myself with that and I thought when I met Bobby he seemed so confident and strong and independent. He knew exactly what he was doing.
Of course, I didn’t know that underneath it was all a mask of the insecurities. The exact same insecurities that I was going through. So, when I met him, and I really did fall in love with him, I always loved him. It was me kind of handing over a little bit of the load. Handing it over to him and saying, “Hey, I need you to help me relieve this pressure on me,” which of course will damage any relationship when we start putting our faith or our future in the hands of somebody else. In some way or form, it was me saying, “Please fix me. Please help me. Please make this better and easier for me.”
In the same way, Bobby was doing the same thing to me, so it was a mutual exchange of “Please fix me and please help me and please make me better. Make me happy,” and unfortunately in any relationship, it’s never going to work out because the only person who can fix you is you. For years I stayed in a relationship that really personified the negativity that I felt inside. I had a child and I acted out on TV to support my husband because I couldn’t see myself in any different situation. All the fame and the money in the world really couldn’t fix the emotional health issue and the struggles that I had with my self-image and with myself and that he had with his self-image and himself and self-doubt.
Another issue that I had was, a lot of people would say, “You guys need to split up. You’re not good for one another because instead of healing each other, you’re making each other worse.”
But, you have to see it from my perspective. I was a God-fearing woman. God was my everything. I believed that once you stepped into marriage, that was forever, through the good and the bad. I really believed in the vows and I really believed that God wanted us to be together for a reason. That there was a purpose, otherwise we would have never met. Otherwise we would have never fallen in love. I was very convinced of that. That I need to stay with him. Whether it was good for me or not good for me; whether it was bad for him or good for him didn’t matter. God bonded us in this way for a reason and I believed that we could both heal each other.
Unfortunately, it didn’t work out that way because we were just both too deep down the rabbit hole. We’ll call it that. Too deep down the rabbit hole in order for us to do this on our own, to do this without help, but also to do it together. Because every time I went up, he went down because he felt I was getting better and he wasn’t, so he would do everything that he could possibly do to bring me down again with him so he could then overcome me again. So, there was a constant battle or a struggle over who’s the leader in the relationship and who’s the one following. Unfortunately, that doesn’t help. Although I did go through rehab and I did try different things and my family tried to help me so many ways, as long as he was there, whenever I got better, he pulled me back down and whenever he got better, I pulled him down. So, we had an issue there.”
Whitney shared that she and Bobby had a soul contract to fulfill as a result of several lifetimes together including one in the future.
According to Whitney, “It was all about understanding that the healing process always happens on the inside and it’s also about undergoing and experiencing these low-low levels of being. It was about being at the lowest of the low and seeing what that feels like, what happens to you, what happens to your environment, because people were starting to give up.
You push people away when they feel like, “We’ve done everything we can. Now we don’t know what to do for you anymore.”
It was all about experiencing that you’re in control of your own destiny. That your decision-making, your thought process, your actions that you undertake always will have a reaction. There will always be something coming from that and then finding a way to take responsibility for those reactions.
It was a very complicated life for me. Although I had the fame and I had the celebrity status and I had a great gift from God, and I still believe that my gift from God was my voice and I touched people in so many ways and I still do on a day-to-day basis. People still get helped with my music. People still get moved by that and so I do believe that in that aspect, my voice was my greatest contribution to the world because it helps heal, it helps soothe, and it connects you, the listener, the fan, to Source, to God, the voice of love and of compassion. So, I do believe that was my message for the world.
The message to myself was all about overcoming an internal struggle. It was about experiencing it, going down that rabbit hole. Experiencing how that feels, but also dealing with feelings of guilt towards my daughter. I love her with everything that I had, with everything that I still have. She is everything to me and in some way or form, when it came to Krissy, I was very selfish.
Let me explain why I use the word, “selfish,” because I held onto her for dear life. I wanted to stop using. I wanted to get better. I wanted to heal so much for her, that I put a lot of pressure upon my own girl. She was going to be my medicine. Right? But, putting that pressure on such a young child and surrounding her with an environment of abuse.
It’s not that we did it in front of her, but she knew about it. She knew what was going on. She knew that the kind of warm, loving, doing- everything-together family wasn’t put aside for her. And also, I’m going to be honest with this, and I might have not said this in any other interview, but there was mental abuse of Bobby towards me, of Bobby towards Kristina. There was verbal abuse. There were fights and those were things that, you know, it does something to a child. It really changes things inside of her.
She loved me so much and I loved her so much, I kept telling her, “I’m going to do this for you. I’m going to get better. I promise.” I would literally put my healing on her. I would put that burden on her and I would say, you know, “If I don’t have you, I can’t get better.” I would say things like that over and over and over again, and so she literally became my mental coach, my assistant, so she knew on the inside that….”
Emma interjected, “Krissy’s going, “yep,” agreeing with her mom right now.”
“….that without her, her mom would be lost. That without her, her mom would not make it. So, Krissy started taking that responsibility and started sleeping with me in the bed, cleaning me up. Things like that. Whenever I was completely down, she would help me. She would clean me up. She would bring me back to my senses. Things like that.
That is an enormous responsibility to put upon a child and for me, I hope you can understand why I’m saying, “selfish.” That was a very selfish act of me to expect that she is the strong one in the mother/daughter relationship and that she is going to help me through it. So, in that aspect, that is why I’m using the word, “selfish.” I’m going to let Krissy do the talking when it comes to her unexpected death.
Please enjoy the rest of our interview with Whitney Houston & Bobbi Kristina Brown.
Up next with Emma: James Brown, Lou Gehrig, Laura Ingalls Wilder & Rose Wilder Lane, Robin Williams (his own episode!), Freddie Mercury, (his own episode!), and George Michael…..
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